Me: Does your throat hurt?
B: ::shrugs shoulders:: I dunno.
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
B: I don't even know what a throat is.
More often than not, I find myself explaining things to Brianna. Things that straight BAFFLE me, since I figured she just knows. Like, how are you five and you don't know what a throat is? Pretty sure you've said the word throat about 873458 times before.
Me: Your homework says 'Write 3 lines about a lion named Leo. Illustrate also'.
B: Aw, MAN! I don't even know HOW to illustrate!
Me: It just means draw.
B: Ohhhhhhhhhh.
Okay, okay, so 'illustrate' is kind of a hard word for a five year old. I'll admit that. I'm just glad she didn't assume she knew what it was and do something entirely different. Although there have been plenty a time where she *thinks* she know what she's doing, especially when it comes to speaking spanish. Let me first tell you that my daughter is in NO WAY WHATSOEVER fluent in spanish. Not even close. Between the bits and pieces I remember from high school, and Dora the Explorer, Brianna's spanish vocab consists of 'Hi, how are you? I like oranges, and my head hurts'. So I was a bit surprised by the following, very casually stated, question.
B: Want me to teach you how to say bitch in spanish?
Whoa, whoa, WHOA. First of all, my kid knows that 'bitch' is an adult word and only adults use adult words. Second of all, I don't even know how to say bitch in spanish. A whole slew of emotions took over me, as I went from being angry at her swearing, to curious and excited to learn a new spanish word, and on to furious at the little snot in her class that had most likely taught it to her. They all swirled inside me and produced only one thing.
Laughter.
I. could. not. stop. laughing. Her father is giving her a lecture about bad words, and i'm sitting over here trying to hide my face from her. All I need is for her to start laughing and then this shit won't be serious. Damn.
We've had other spanish incidents as well. More so Brianna-Spanish, which is not actually spanish, but what someone would do if they didn't know spanish but wanted to sound like they did. You know, because Brianna DOESN'T KNOW SPANISH. It's actually quite impressive, and sometimes even I'm fooled. Annnnd, sometimes i'm really not.
B: Hey, Mommy, you know how you say oreos in spanish?
Me: How?
B: Zeeeeee annnnnn cos.
Me: Uhh, no.
B: Yep! *giggles* Zeeeannncos. That's oreos. *giggles again*
Me: That's not true.
B: Actually, it's feliz cumpleaños. (more giggles)
It's not just spanish that she doesn't know, either. Pretty much every day she's saying something that she misinterpreted for something else. She thinks the wizards name is 'Hairy Potter', and the singers name is 'Justin Beaver' (whom she absolutely cannot stand and literally argued with me that he is a girl, and if he isn't then there MUST be two of them). Little Miss Muffet is constantly sitting in my kitchen eating 'cursive and whey', and my landlords daughter is 'Candle'.
B: That little girl in the red shirt, I think her name is Candle, she told me she's allergic to ants. Can you believe it?!
Me: I believe her name is Kennedy.
B: Oh. I'll just call her Candle.
And my favorite one of all? The Circle Of Life song from The Lion King goes like this:
AHHHH SA VENYAAAA a Felice eeee a baaaa.
