I've known since she was an itty bitty that my daughter would be an absolute riot. When B was about 18 months old, my sisters friend Ashley left her cell phone on the couch. In the mere minute and a half that the adults were busy in conversation, B managed to steal the cell phone, sign onto instant messenger, and send an IM. Not only did she IM someone, she im'ed someone Ashley had not talked to in quite sometime. The extremely funny part? She sent one single word.
DOOM.
Yes, in all capitals. I often wonder what the guys reaction must have been when he received it. I still giggle at the thought of someone thinking Ashley is lurking in the shadows after them. I also often like to think that my child knew exactly what she was doing when she sent it. She's such a bad ass.
Although entirely unintentional, I find it very amusing. I also find intentional things extremely amusing, like her crazy imagination that she's shown since she could talk.
"Are you OKAY?! Do you need HELP?!?!"
Words that any mother would be a bit concerned to hear. Upon further investigation? Oh, just some little people figurines that were involved in a tragic horse stampede. Thank GOD for the Little Peoples Mom, who came to their rescue.
"HELP! HELP! I STUCK! I STUCK!"
Oh, God. Do I even want to poke my head into her room right now? Envisioning her dangling from her stuffed animal net, I decide I should probably assess the situation and decide what type of tools I need and if oil and/or butter is necessary. Nope. Not Brianna. That damn Farmer Joe is stuck in the barn loft again. When will he learn that he's too fat to fit through that small window?
While her imagination is mostly entertaining, it can sometimes be a bit scary, especially when she was still learning reality vs. fantasy. Involve a three year old with a bumblebee costume and the conversation might go as follows:
B: MOMMY! When I put this on, I can FLY!
Me: Oh, no baby, you can NOT fly. It's just pretend!
B: Yes. I can. I have wings now.
And now every time we watch Pippi Longstockings we have to have a long conversation about how people can not fly, even if they have braids.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Dear Baby Jesus, Please Kill All The Mosquitos.
Brianna: I think we like, pray everyday at school.
Me: What? (Seriously confused, since it's a public school)
Brianna: Yeah. Every morning we like, umm, stand up, put our hand over our heart, and we PRAY for the flag. We look at it for a while, and then we pray for it.
Me: Ohhh, you say the Pledge of Allegiance?
Brianna: Yeah.
I've never been a super religious person (a statement that's probably making my Papa roll in his grave). I don't go to church regularly, I think the loljesus meme is hysterical, and I once jokingly told Brianna that our family Christmas party was Jesus' birthday party. That ended up backfiring when she remembered the night of the party and wanted everyone to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, and questioned them as to where His presents were.
I'm not against religion whatsoever, I just like to believe what I believe and don't really think I have to be preached to to be reminded. Also, I'm lazy during the weekly services, and work every Sunday morning. Anyways, I'm absolutely fine with Brianna learning about different types of religions and practices. I even let Derek's grandmother take her to church, which I was a bit hesitant about, only because B is not one to sit still for an extended amount of time. When she got back from the service, she was absolutely wide eyed.
"The people singing almost made me cry. Not cause I was sad but because they sang so pretty! You know, sometimes you can happy cry!"
I was so touched with what she said, I briefly considered going back to church. She had loved it so much! But wait! There was more to say!
"There was a man standing up front talking forever. I think he was a story teller because it sounded like he was making it up in his head."
I've reconsidered. We're not going back to church. I needed to find new and different ways to teach her about beliefs. What better than a children's movie? Apparently anything would have been better than All Dogs Go To Heaven. I thought Brianna was going to plot an attack on me in my sleep after I made her sit through it. Within the first 10 minutes, Brianna was questioning my ability to pick a movie, and I was beginning to remember why I hadn't watched it since my Mom made me watch it.
"He's in HEAVEN?! But that's so sad because that means he's... (changes voice to whisper) deaddd. This is a sad movie Mom. For reals".
After Charlie's clock gets rewound and he gets a second chance, B said "I hope charlie doesn't go back to heaven at the end of this movie".
Shit. She's inherited her fathers ability to know the end of the movie within the first 20 minutes.
By the end of the movie, i'm fairly certain her attack plan was almost complete. She was upset, but we talked about Heaven for a bit and she seemed okay. I figured she had completely forgotten by late afternoon.
B: Mommy, that was the saddest movie ever, and I hope I NEVER have to watch it again.
Me: But it wasn't all sad! Anne Marie found a Mommy and Daddy, and she was sooooo happy!
B: Mommy, the dog still DIED. It was soooo sad.
Oops.
Religious talk has definitely led to some confusion and prayers directed at things only a child would pray for.
"I hope Jesus gets rid of all the mosquitos, because they bite for their dinner!"
Sigh. I mean, I suppose you could pray for that, but trying to explain to a 5 year old why prayers are meant for things other than wiping out an entire insect is like talking to a wall. Every thought that crosses her mind is SUPER IMPORTANT and needs to be dealt with immediately. Maybe one day she'll understand, and forgive me for making her watch All Dogs Go To Heaven. Probably not.
Me: What? (Seriously confused, since it's a public school)
Brianna: Yeah. Every morning we like, umm, stand up, put our hand over our heart, and we PRAY for the flag. We look at it for a while, and then we pray for it.
Me: Ohhh, you say the Pledge of Allegiance?
Brianna: Yeah.
I've never been a super religious person (a statement that's probably making my Papa roll in his grave). I don't go to church regularly, I think the loljesus meme is hysterical, and I once jokingly told Brianna that our family Christmas party was Jesus' birthday party. That ended up backfiring when she remembered the night of the party and wanted everyone to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, and questioned them as to where His presents were.
I'm not against religion whatsoever, I just like to believe what I believe and don't really think I have to be preached to to be reminded. Also, I'm lazy during the weekly services, and work every Sunday morning. Anyways, I'm absolutely fine with Brianna learning about different types of religions and practices. I even let Derek's grandmother take her to church, which I was a bit hesitant about, only because B is not one to sit still for an extended amount of time. When she got back from the service, she was absolutely wide eyed.
"The people singing almost made me cry. Not cause I was sad but because they sang so pretty! You know, sometimes you can happy cry!"
I was so touched with what she said, I briefly considered going back to church. She had loved it so much! But wait! There was more to say!
"There was a man standing up front talking forever. I think he was a story teller because it sounded like he was making it up in his head."
I've reconsidered. We're not going back to church. I needed to find new and different ways to teach her about beliefs. What better than a children's movie? Apparently anything would have been better than All Dogs Go To Heaven. I thought Brianna was going to plot an attack on me in my sleep after I made her sit through it. Within the first 10 minutes, Brianna was questioning my ability to pick a movie, and I was beginning to remember why I hadn't watched it since my Mom made me watch it.
"He's in HEAVEN?! But that's so sad because that means he's... (changes voice to whisper) deaddd. This is a sad movie Mom. For reals".
After Charlie's clock gets rewound and he gets a second chance, B said "I hope charlie doesn't go back to heaven at the end of this movie".
Shit. She's inherited her fathers ability to know the end of the movie within the first 20 minutes.
By the end of the movie, i'm fairly certain her attack plan was almost complete. She was upset, but we talked about Heaven for a bit and she seemed okay. I figured she had completely forgotten by late afternoon.
B: Mommy, that was the saddest movie ever, and I hope I NEVER have to watch it again.
Me: But it wasn't all sad! Anne Marie found a Mommy and Daddy, and she was sooooo happy!
B: Mommy, the dog still DIED. It was soooo sad.
Oops.
Religious talk has definitely led to some confusion and prayers directed at things only a child would pray for.
"I hope Jesus gets rid of all the mosquitos, because they bite for their dinner!"
Sigh. I mean, I suppose you could pray for that, but trying to explain to a 5 year old why prayers are meant for things other than wiping out an entire insect is like talking to a wall. Every thought that crosses her mind is SUPER IMPORTANT and needs to be dealt with immediately. Maybe one day she'll understand, and forgive me for making her watch All Dogs Go To Heaven. Probably not.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sugar and Spice, and Everything Nice? Nope.
Sometimes, I swear I have a boy. This kid seriously thinks disgusting things are hilarious; a trait she's picked up from my lovely father. Honestly, I can't help but laugh at it. Like the time she farted extremely loud, called her father in the room and said 'Daddy! Come here and smell me! I smell so good!'. (The best part was that he had no idea, took a big whiff and was like 'What the hell?', while I giggled in the other room.) Or yesterday when she told me: "My butt smells like Buttonwood Zoo! You know, when you get to the farm part". Yeah, she's gross. But the one that takes the cake for unintentional grossness was her incident with truth or dare that she informed me of, oh so casually, during dinner.
B: You know that game truth or dare? My friend dared me to lick the window on the bus, and I did.
Me: Excuse me, you did WHAT?
B: My friend dared me to lick the window, and I did. You know, because you HAVE to do a dare if you say you're gonna.
Me: Why would you think it's okay to lick a window?!?
B: Because it was a DARE!
Needless to say, we had a long talk about how truth or dare is for older kids, and other things about not jumping off bridges. She informed me that licking windows is TOTALLY different than jumping off a bridge because you 'could get really hurt'. Annnnnnd conversation right over her head. Sigh. At least I know she's not going to try to jump off a bridge anytime soon, but she might be that kid licking the window of the bus passing you on County Street.
B: You know that game truth or dare? My friend dared me to lick the window on the bus, and I did.
Me: Excuse me, you did WHAT?
B: My friend dared me to lick the window, and I did. You know, because you HAVE to do a dare if you say you're gonna.
Me: Why would you think it's okay to lick a window?!?
B: Because it was a DARE!
Needless to say, we had a long talk about how truth or dare is for older kids, and other things about not jumping off bridges. She informed me that licking windows is TOTALLY different than jumping off a bridge because you 'could get really hurt'. Annnnnnd conversation right over her head. Sigh. At least I know she's not going to try to jump off a bridge anytime soon, but she might be that kid licking the window of the bus passing you on County Street.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
And it Begins!
As I sit down at the computer to enter my first blog post, little feet can be heard running over.
Brianna: Umm, what are you doing?
Me: Typing some stuff up on the computer.
Brianna: Well, can you hurry up and let me know when you're done? I have things I NEED to get done on there.
These 'things' consist of unlocking a game from a code she found on one of her Christmas toys. A Christmas toy that I had cleverly hidden on a high shelf that she couldn't reach or peek at. Well, until I decided to take a random trip to Ikea and about 4 (exhausting!) hours later emerged with a low loft bed for little miss. This gives her an entirely new view of her bedroom, and me a heart attack every time she hangs over the edge and says "look at me!'. On the plus side, she has tons more space to play and thinks the under the bed space is a cool hideout. On the minus? Finding every single thing I've placed out of her eyesight.
B: YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR LIKE AN HOUR! What are you even typing?
Me: A blog.
B: A blob?
Me: BLOG.
B: What is THAT?
Me: Kind of like a story.
B: Why are you writing a story?
Me: I'm writing a story about you.
B: BUT WHY?!
Why? Because she's hysterical, and sometimes so incredibly sarcastic. Guess that's what happens when you have two parents that are sarcastic and quick witted. Most of the time it cracks me up, but occasionally I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, especially when we're in a public place where it's supposed to be quiet. This gem is from our outing to the Mary Poppins Broadway play. I'd like to add that it was very loudly stated, during a quiet part of the play.
B: Sigh, I wish this was in 3d.
Me: It is in 3d. Shh.
B: Well it doesn't LOOK 3d.
Me: Sigh.
Guess we needed the glasses.
We're off to the flea market today! I told Brianna that we were going there only to get fleas. She said she's definitely not going. :)
Brianna: Umm, what are you doing?
Me: Typing some stuff up on the computer.
Brianna: Well, can you hurry up and let me know when you're done? I have things I NEED to get done on there.
These 'things' consist of unlocking a game from a code she found on one of her Christmas toys. A Christmas toy that I had cleverly hidden on a high shelf that she couldn't reach or peek at. Well, until I decided to take a random trip to Ikea and about 4 (exhausting!) hours later emerged with a low loft bed for little miss. This gives her an entirely new view of her bedroom, and me a heart attack every time she hangs over the edge and says "look at me!'. On the plus side, she has tons more space to play and thinks the under the bed space is a cool hideout. On the minus? Finding every single thing I've placed out of her eyesight.
B: YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR LIKE AN HOUR! What are you even typing?
Me: A blog.
B: A blob?
Me: BLOG.
B: What is THAT?
Me: Kind of like a story.
B: Why are you writing a story?
Me: I'm writing a story about you.
B: BUT WHY?!
Why? Because she's hysterical, and sometimes so incredibly sarcastic. Guess that's what happens when you have two parents that are sarcastic and quick witted. Most of the time it cracks me up, but occasionally I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, especially when we're in a public place where it's supposed to be quiet. This gem is from our outing to the Mary Poppins Broadway play. I'd like to add that it was very loudly stated, during a quiet part of the play.
B: Sigh, I wish this was in 3d.
Me: It is in 3d. Shh.
B: Well it doesn't LOOK 3d.
Me: Sigh.
Guess we needed the glasses.
We're off to the flea market today! I told Brianna that we were going there only to get fleas. She said she's definitely not going. :)
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